This week has been a good week for a couple of different reasons. My pain level this week has been pretty well, I say it's been down to five and lower most of the week. In my books this is a very good week overall. To top this week off I had applied for the Hardest Hit Fund Tennessee. I was notified that my loan was accepted and I was able to soon go in and sign my papers.
When my health deteriorated and I had to trade the busy life of a university professor for the isolation of my bedroom, the loneliness was palpable. At times, it was hard to distinguish between the illness and the loneliness. One day, a friend I'd met online, sent me this quotation from the theologian, Paul Tillich: "Language...has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the world 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone." I was such a social animal that I found being alone anything but glorious. It wasn't even remotely sweet. But Tillich's words planted a seed and I began to investigate the meaning of "being alone." I realized that being alone in and of itself is neither positive nor negative. It was just a fact that now described a good portion of my life. If Tillich was right, it could be experienced as painful loneliness or as glorious solitude. So, I went online to see what people treasured about solitude.
Charles Chronic Chat #5 Sometimes it's hard to know where to start writing. Every day I know I can describe to you how I feel physically, the pain that I have and describe it in detail. But what use is that to you as much as it is to me? I know the hardest thing for me to understand and to deal with is the acceptance of my now life and letting go of my before life. I never thought in all the years I've been alive that I would be disabled at the age of 40. Who would ever think that is, which life is, can end up as? Who would even want to dream that your life as you know it would end at the age of 40?
It is Tuesday morning at 5:02am. Saturday I went out for a drive to take pictures, hoping to get some shots of black bears. I know they would not be out posing and ready for me, but I was not able to find any. I did get some nice pictures of the Big South Fork River Gorge. I spent most of the day out, about 13 hours of driving, some walking, and reading about the Big South Fork Recreational area. Saturday night when I was home, I was in tremendous pain. I took at this time my third breakthrough pain pill.
On May 22nd, 2001—10 years ago to the day of this post—my husband and I flew from California to Paris, planning to immerse ourselves in Parisian culture for three weeks. The second day there, I got sick with what appeared to be an acute viral infection. I spent most of those three weeks in a Parisian bed. Ten years later—I'm still sick. I didn't research what I should have learned the past 10 years. These are just 10 things I have learned. At the end of the post, I hope you'll share your own experience.
Since my last post, I have pretty much laid on the couch until yesterday. I had to try and sell some Blu ray dvd’s so I can afford to go for a defensive driving class I need to go to, to save from losing my Driver’s license. I was not able to get much, so I did not take it. $55 for 20 Blu ray? I thought that was way too cheap.
In Buddhism, equanimity is one of "four sublime emotions," meaning that, by cultivating it, we can help alleviate our suffering. The dictionary defines equanimity as "mental calmness and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation." That's as good a definition as I've seen for this central Buddhist concept. Here are three ways to cultivate equanimity no matter what health challenges you face.
Over this past week since my last post (my first post), I have finally decide to go on a day trip. Saturday morning I woke up at about nine o'clock in the morning and left here at 10 AM for a day of driving and touring. The first place I went was Falcon Crest Mansion in McMinnville Tennessee. It is a mansion that was built by falconer and I am not sure about the spelling. It was said that this mansion was built to bribe his wife into moving out and did boonies away from town.
Chronic Pain is a full time job. Going to bed and waking up in pain is very difficult. Learning how to deal with this is hard, and accepting the fate that you are in now is mind boggling. How does one learn to cope? How does one learn to deal?
I have been dealing with chronic pain now for 2 years and 4 months. I have yet learned to cope. I do know the times that I have learned to accept, is the days I cry. It’s like mourning your past life in order to be able to prepare for your current one. It’s a long rough road to this point in life of chronic pain.
Allow me to introduce myself: I am the poor you have never met and have no first-hand knowledge of. You are ABSOLUTELY WRONG in your statement that my income is going up, and I have the tax returns to prove it. Costs keep rising but my income has not in over 3 years. I live on Social Security and, if you get your way, it’ll be gone altogether. I am one of the lazy, fraudulent cheats commonly known as young disabled. Me and my doctors have told the Federal Govt. that I am a cancer patient/amputee and cannot work and never will again, and those chumps bought it and you are paying my exorbitant benefits AND medical expenses. I sit back (in my sick bed) and laugh while you are foolishly being a productive citizen, just like I used to be.
Being in debt can be stressful, if not overwhelming. Sometimes it may seem like you will never get ahead. Just remember, you didn’t get into this situation overnight and you can’t expect to get out it that way either. By taking little steps each day you can dig yourself out of your financial hole and begin to create the stability your crave. In order to change your financial situation it’s important to learn about financial matters like managing a budget, paying down debt while saving for emergencies, and creating achievable financial goals. Getting started is not as hard as you think, thanks to the many free online resources available at Financial Literacy Month.
On April 10th, I wrote about CFS, focusing on a frustrating experience I had with a doctor ("The Stigma of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome"). Since posting that piece, I've had another unfortunate experience in which a specialist told me that an autoimmune disorder I've developed in my mouth couldn't possibly be related to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome even though she acknowledged that she knows nothing about CFS.
1. Knowing for sure it’s possible! Understand that you can be financially stable if it’s a priority for you (and it should be). Realize that any roadblocks you have about money are correctable. Others have done it and so can you.