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Friday, 06 May 2011 15:27

To My Conservative Friends!

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Share Your StoryBy Stacy Rustia Lambe

Allow me to introduce myself: I am the poor you have never met and have no first-hand knowledge of. You are ABSOLUTELY WRONG in your statement that my income is going up, and I have the tax returns to prove it. Costs keep rising but my income has not in over 3 years. I live on Social Security and, if you get your way, it’ll be gone altogether. I am one of the lazy, fraudulent cheats commonly known as young disabled. Me and my doctors have told the Federal Govt. that I am a cancer patient/amputee and cannot work and never will again, and those chumps bought it and you are paying my exorbitant benefits AND medical expenses. I sit back (in my sick bed) and laugh while you are foolishly being a productive citizen, just like I used to be.

I don’t miss being able to participate in my children’s milestones. I don’t miss not having to take various prescription meds daily to keep alive! I don’t miss my career that paid me at least 10x what I receive now. And who cares about professional identity and camaraderie? Forget the years of college and subsequent training that went into becoming successful in my field… A waste of time and tuition! I don’t miss my beautiful home. I’m thrilled at the digs of a low income housing project, which rent eats up most of my income, but don’t worry because I’m not done financially raping you yet: I’m in line for Section 8. I haven’t gotten it in 7 years of being eligible for it, but don’t you worry, I will SOMEDAY! I am determined to milk this benefits thing for all it’s worth. When I do, boy will I be in the land of milk and honey! I’ll be able to afford a used car!!! WOOHOO! But don’t worry about my transportation in the mean time: I get Special Transportation! Yes, YOU are paying for my door to door trips to doctors, shopping, the beach, etc… AND BACK! AND WE PARK RIGHT UP FRONT WHERE YOU WISH YOU COULD! HA! This comes in especially handy when I go out to bars and drink myself silly. Oh yeah, strike that… no partying for us crips: even if we could afford it, it’s the ER on the way home if we do. Oh, well. That’s ok… WE’VE GOT DRUGS, which YOU PAY FOR, TOO… and as the cost of gas goes up and up for you, I travel in comfort and style, complete with chauffeur! I dine in style, too! Why… my food stamps have me stuffed with mac & cheese & pbj! I can turn hamburger into ANYTHING! You’ll think you’re eating filet mignon by the time I’m done with it! I also get a free cell phone with 200 minutes/month! POOR??? ARE YOU KIDDING? Why are you wasting your time working a job when society can lay you in carefree obscurity? Who cares what they think? They can call us lazy, traitors, liars, frauds & thieves all they want. Sticks & stones, you know… but thank you for your heartfelt sentiments. It doesn’t discourage me and don’t let it discourage you that trying to make them see is shoveling $hit against the tide. There is none so blind as they WHO WILL NOT SEE! Have I gotten over on you and those like you! YOU BET! I don’t miss all I did to help others for so many years! I gloat contentedly as others now must take care of ME. And my medical benefits pay for all the 911 calls to the ER, too, every time I feel like I need a break from the boredom of being essentially home bound, I come up with a new, exciting and life-threatening ailment which the doctors and hospitals are THRILLED to diagnose and treat, jacking your bill into the stratosphere. Those are my favorite times! VACATION! Hospitals nowadays are GREAT! Better than hotels! They wait on me hand and foot, between surgeries. The usual drugs come first class: IV! The food, when it’s not being conveniently delivered also via IV or some other invasive tube, is SOOO good! All the cable channels, 24/7! Little booties to massage my feet to make sure the blood keeps flowing and doesn’t clot. I’m telling you, it’s ABSOLUTE HEAVEN… Well, almost… Literally. And when they send me home, also in an ambulance you pay for, I’m so doped up I don’t even know I’m there till the stuff wears off! What a life! I’ve got this thing DOWN! Just TRY coming after my luxurious lifestyle! The AARP, ACLU, the Democrats and everyone even slightly left of center, and every disabled and retired person in this country will rise up like a grey army at town hall meetings and elsewhere to keep our scam going, the ponzi scheme that it is! What a sucker you are! Bet you can’t wait to be disabled or retired like me and those like me NOW, huh? Well, better hurry up! This guy named Ryan and some of his buds think they’re onto us. The gravy train might be drying up! So, if you’re not fortunate enough for a catastrophic illness to hit you, accidentally cut your foot off mowing the lawn. Any amputation will do. Hide as much funds as possible from your wife so she will not get them in the inevitable divorce. And introduce her to some of your best buds so they can step in not only for her, but your kids, too. They’re going to need someone who can have fun with them which you won’t be able to do on one foot. But so what? You’ll be ’In the disabled club’ enjoying the sedentary lifestyle like us! YER GONNNA LOVE IT! The Library even DELIVERS BOOKS these days! And if you do a really good snow job, your meals can be hand delivered too! So, good luck with those pesky government qualifiers who will be up your butt, and checking every two years to make sure your amputation shows no signs of growing back…. I’ll leave the light on for ya and we can trade war stories and laugh at all the healthy, able-bodied fools out there actually living their lives!  

Read 4545 times Last modified on Sunday, 01 January 2012 20:36

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